The newest Spider-Man spinoff Madame Web features a trio of up-and-coming actors and Dakota Johnson but can’t overcome terrible writing, editing and action sequences.
Madame Web is an origin story for Cassandra Webb (Johnson). She’s a paramedic who hates helping people. However, a near-death experience triggers her ability to see and change the future. The rest of Madame Web works like the worst Terminator-style plot imaginable.
Fight the Future
The villain, Ezekial Sims (Tahar Rahim) sees a vision of his death at the hands of three young teenagers. Instead of John Conner, these girls get Cassandra who only intervenes after finding out she’s wanted for kidnapping.
These three teenagers are Julia Cornwell (Sydney Sweeney), Anya Corazon (Isabela Merced) and Mattie Franklin (Celeste O’Connor). Cassandra begrudgingly helps the girls survive while trying to understand her abilities tied to her past. These three future super heroes only exist as Maguffins and are given the most basic summaries of their family situations.
Sims is a terrible villain featuring a performance by Rahim that’s ADR’d to death. He never comes across as opposing and drains what little remains of life out of this film
The few action sequences aren’t compelling.
Madame Web: A Reluctant Heroine
Cassandra is an awful protagonist. While her lack of family should generate sympathy, Webb is a difficult character to rally behind. When she does meet the future Spider-Women, she can’t wait to pawn them off on their parents who will almost certainly die if Sims finds them as well as these teenagers. A bizarrely shot scene shows Sims killing cops to get to the women proving the parents wouldn’t stand a chance. There’s a scene at a baby shower that should be shown to every writer if they want to make their lead character insufferable.
There is a potentially interesting story about these four women from broken families coming together to form a family of their own.
Setting the film in 2003 doesn’t add much to the story either. The goal was to tie this film to some Spider-Man universe but utterly fails in this incarnation. You don’t cast Emma Roberts as Mary Parker, Ben’s sister and only use her in a baby shower and hospital scene. All Madame Web has is a bunch of weird references about a baby name, Ben being a fun uncle with no responsibilities and the joys of being shot out in Queens.
Final thoughts
Overall, there’s no reason to watch Madame Web. It might be better than 2003’s Catwoman, but not by much.
Madame Web falls woefully short of the Venom films and longs for the days of “Morbin Time.” An accomplishment I’d never thought possible. The film’s not bad enough to be funny. There’s no chemistry between any of the actors. Finally, the dialogue and insane product placement put the cherry on top of this bad comic book film.
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The Review
Madame Web
PROS
- No post credit scene.
CONS
- Terrible writing leads to one of the most insufferable lead characters in a comic book film.
- Ezekial Sims is a terrible villain featuring awful ADR.
- Awful references to Spider-Man.
- Bad action sequences.
